I know it’s been forever since I’ve posted anything, but I have a day off and this had me rolling on the floor. Seriously. Apparently a bunch of guys got together and decided to make a christianized version of The Dark Knight. I’m not really sure if this was supposed to make fun of fundamentalists or support them, but it’s totally worth watching. Enjoy.
You read Christian fiction? Well, I only read missionary biographies since whatever isn’t true is bound to be a lie. And you know where liars go.
You don’t believe in kissing before you’re married? Well I don’t believe that married people should be intimate on their wedding night either. That time should be spent in prayers for their marriage and asking to be blessed with children as quickly as possible.
You don’t shop at stores that sell alcohol? I don’t shop at stores where any of the employees even drink alcohol. And I know because I ask each of them personally.
You only read the KJV? I only read Parris’s 1760 revision, second printing with the wood engravings of Adam and Eve au natural. Don’t be fooled by one of Satan’s counterfeits.
You only let your children court instead of date? Well I never let my son court a girl unless I’ve been taking her out myself for at least a year to make sure she’s a good and godly girl. And so far they’ve all been trollops.
You only listen to hymns? I only listen to a capella hymns performed by
people with whom I am in complete doctrinal agreement. Most of my cassette tapes are of Mama.
You go to church three times a week? Sometimes I go to church during the middle of a week day, stick a mirror on the front pew and preach to myself for an hour. It’s always good stuff too.
You tithe? Every week I stick my entire paycheck into the offering plate and then pray for the Lord to give back to me whatever I actually need. Thankfully, I’m the pastor so it always all comes back with interest added.
Posted by Darrell
Unfortunately, this was my life for many, many years. If someone erred, it was tasked to me as a good little fundy to call them out on their sin. In short, I was a pompous ass of a child.
After the events that I told of in Nice & Blue, I was pulled from my IFB school and home schooled though high school graduation. I loved homeschooling for the most part, but didn’t realize what effects it was having on my mindset and thinking. Everything I learned was taught from a biased viewpoint, whether it be BJU Press, Pensacola’s A Beka Book, or other fundamentalist sources such as Vision Forum and No Greater Joy. For example, there was a ‘world history’ class in my junior year that spent the entire year not on the history of the world, but on church history, and particularly as it pertained to Martin Luther and Baptists. Everything else was trivialized. Remember the World Wars? Those would seem essential to world history, but they were mostly skipped over, save that Hitler was used as an example of what happens if fundamentalism fails. Yeah. Hitler was fundy gone liberal. I digress. Continue reading
I found this Facebook exchange relating to the Tina Anderson trial on another blog and would like to share it in full here.
Welcome to a new world…a world where Dr. Chuck Phelps does everything right and Tina Anderson did everything wrong…
As I have stated before, I was adopted into the family of an Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) pastor and his wife, both Bob Jones University graduates, who at the time were pastoring a church in Wyoming. When I was just shy of two years old, the family moved to another church in the buckle of the bible belt – Greenville, South Carolina. It is here that I spent the next ten years of my life surrounded by just about every fundy superstar there is.
When I say Fundy superstar, I speak of those in the IFB movement that are about as close to gods and you can get without calling them gods (Please forgive the obsessive hyperlinking. I feel it wise for people to recognize these people.). Among the faces of my childhood you will find Dr. Bob Jones III, Ron & Shelley Hamilton(and crew), Frank Garlock, Tom and Ben Ferrell, Jim Berg, Tony Miller, Mark Minnick, Bob Bell, Gary Reimers, Jonathan Daulton and Steve Hankins, just to name a few. Of that list, all are attached in some way to Bob Jones University, Soundforth, Majesty Music, the Wilds, or other fundamentalist strongholds. In short, my family frequently rubbed elbows with the big wigs. Continue reading
For starters, a little about me and my background.
The result of an unplanned pregnancy, I was adopted at birth into the family of an Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) pastor. I was raised in a strictly conservative baptist home and an equally strict IFB school through 4th grade. After that we home schooled, moved to a new church in a new state where we stayed for the rest of my formative years. After I finished high school, I spent the summer working at an IFB summer camp in Louisiana, followed as expected but rather reluctantly, by my first semester at the “best school there is” – Bob Jones University. My time there is in itself a post for another time. For now, I’ll let you know a little about the IFB cult.
The Independent Fundamental Baptists are not traditionally considered a cult, but to those who have been on the inside, it becomes clear that not all is as it seems. The IFB is considered ultra-conservative – no music with a rock beat, contemporary christian music, or anything other than orchestrated chorale music. Women’s dress must be ‘modest’ – the knees must be covered at all times, no pants, nothing sleeveless, and everything must have a sufficiently high neck so as not to show back or cleavage. Everything worn by both men and women should be sufficiently loose so as to not show too much of their form. This forces them to either make their own clothes or buy things one or two sizes too big, creating the signature ‘frumpy’ look of the IFB. Hair on men is to be trimmed off the collar and ears, and is to be styled in such a way as to all lay in the same direction. Gelled or ‘bedhead’ styles are not allowed. Alcohol and tobacco are not tolerated and are considered sinful even in small amounts. Piercings are only allowed in the ear lobe for women (in some cases not at all), but are never allowed for men. Tattoos (like alcohol, tobacco, and piercings) are seen as ‘defiling the temple'(I Corinthians6:19) and are not allowed unless you already had the tattoo(s) before ‘finding the right path’, and even then it is expected and encouraged that you have them removed.